


Dance with me

by witchy_bidipoo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Dancer Harry, Everyone Is An Asshole, Famous Louis, M/M, Singer Louis, dancing with the stars au, more or less, non famous Harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-21
Updated: 2018-06-21
Packaged: 2019-05-26 12:53:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15001295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_bidipoo/pseuds/witchy_bidipoo
Summary: To redeem himself in the eye of the public, Louis is forced to take part in the famous show Dancing with the Stars.





	Dance with me

**Author's Note:**

> I've written this three years ago and decided it was time that I post it here. I hope you guys like it
> 
> -Rose

 

 

_“Singer Louis Tomlinson is yet again being a diva. The twenty-four year old singer seems to like driving crazy the members of his staff. Indeed it is reportedly said by an anonymous source that the singer refused to go on stage for his show in Dallas two nights ago because his hairdresser had apparently “butchered his hair” (according to our source this would be the exact words of the singer). Tomlinson is having a worldwide tour that started a week ago in New York and should end in four months after his last show in Japan. We’re wondering how his fans reacted at the singer’s new tantrum. We are sure that his tour announces even more shocking news and we are going to be here to report everything. Louis Tomlinson may be an excellent singer, the best singer of our time according to the Rolling Stones magazine, and a very beautiful creature, his nasty, non appealing personality is starting to drive fans away from him. Here at Pop Culture we have stopped to hope that Tomlinson will ever change and become an honourable person.”_

 

“Do you have anything to say Louis?”

I simply shrug my shoulders at my manager’s question. I don’t really care what other people can think of me. Truth be told, it doesn’t matter to me; my life is unchanged no matter if I receive positive or negative reviews. It is true that I have the reputation to be –apart from my extraordinary ability to sing– one of the most self-absorbed shallow people in this shiny world. This is a bit sceptical and doubtful, in my very impartial opinion I have to say.

“Listen Paul, you should have seen what she did to me! My hair was almost burnt, can you believe that? This is unacceptable. I demand her to be fired.”

Paul shakes his head in what looks like resentment. How dare he feel resentful? In this situation, I was the one to be attacked! He sighs then lifts his head and bores his eyes into mine.

“What is unacceptable, Louis is your behaviour. You ridicule our company, you ridicule your fans and most importantly you ridicule yourself. Are you even aware of that?”

Rolling my eyes, I settle more comfortably in the armchair.

“To be honest with you, my first thought was to fire you.” He sighs for the second time. “But it happens that I have a much better idea to make it up to your fans and at the same time to have an impact on the media as well.”

My eyebrows furrow as he speaks about his so-called solution. My fans should love me for my voice and songs and not for who I really am. So if I do something that displeases them and makes them stop listening to my music, why should I care? Why should I do something about it? I will never get down on my knees for anyone, much less fans who poison my life and track me down everywhere I go and scream in my sensitive ears when they see me. I mean, I can’t bear with fans who run into each other just to get to me first; or the ones who camp outside of my house every day in the hope of catching a glimpse of me. I have enough with paparazzi who don’t respect privacy and my private life for the fans to do the same.

“Stop staring at me like that and just get on with you stupid solution.” I say, slowly starting to lose my temper. Paul is always so slow.

“I will, I will. I’m guessing you know about Dancing with the Stars?”

“Yeah that stupid dancing thing for famous people to be on the good side of the public?”

“Exactly that. Well you’re going to be a part of it.” He announces with a big smile.

Silence falls in his small office that no one dares to break. I slowly straighten up in the armchair; eyes squinted, as I try to determine if this is a joke. His avoiding eyes as well as the fact that he plays with his fingers and the big drops of perspiration that I notice on his glowing forehead tell me that this is not a joke. On the contrary, Paul is more than serious. He really is planning on making me do that. My eyes are reduced to two thin splits as my gaze peers at him. I hear him gulp as I lean toward him over the desk.

“I don’t know what has been going on through your head Paul but this is not funny. I will never be a part of this dumb show you hear me? I won’t stoop that low. I’m not any ordinary guy; I’m Louis Tomlinson, number one of the top fifty of the biggest artists in the world. So if you think that I will agree to walk around with a jerkin and leotards, you are the biggest fool I have ever met.”

“Exactly, you’re Louis Tomlinson. And right now, everyone detests Louis Tomlinson because Louis Tomlinson is a prick of a selfish diva who only cares about himself and talks shit about everyone else. Believe me, you are going to participate. You will be flawless and kind and make big efforts to prove that you’re a good person and most of all you are going to win this game and make you even more popular. This is not something to discuss any more.” He adds just as I am about to retort something.

I scowl and slide back down in the armchair, sighing loudly to show my disagreement. Who does he think I am? Some puppet that he can show around the way he wants? Someone he can haul around with a wave of his wand? Well guess what? I’m not that kind of person. I don’t want to take part in this stupid competition and I won’t participate. Nothing will make me change my mind.

I cross my arms on my chest, outright showing what I think. I lift my chin high in the air, challenging Paul.

“Don’t act like a spoiled child Louis. You will do this competition or you’re fired. Is that clear?”

My acting skills allow me to hide my surprise and the fact that I am offended. This is the first time I hear Paul talking this harshly to someone, even me and I’m a difficult case; which is why it stuns me a lot.

“Are you threatening me now?”

He sighs then takes his head between his hands.

“This is not a threat Louis. This is the only way for you to make up for what you did to your fans, the only way to redeem yourself to them. If you refuse then you’re fired and you’ll have to find another company who is willing to sign you as an artist and with the reputation that you have it will be nearly impossible. Do you want to take the risk?”

“Alright, alright.” I surrender, raising my hands in the air to calm him down. Paul seems to be exhausted and quite upset and frustrated and I am surely the cause of all that. If only I cared. “It’s only because it’s you and we’ve known each other for a long time, okay?”

“Sure. I don’t doubt your kindness Louis. Now, I already have the contract ready you only need to sign it.”

I glare at him then harshly take the pen he is handing me. My eyes quickly scan over every piece of paper of the contract before I eventually put down my signature. What the hell did I get myself into?

 

**

 

“On stage in thirty seconds! This is the last song.” The voice says. It comes from the walkie-talkie of the body guard standing next to me.

He suddenly straightens up after hearing that and quickly answers ‘roger that’ as if he thought he was playing in an action film. Pa-the-tic if you want my opinion. The bodyguard pushes me toward the stage without checking with me to see if I was ready. Ungrateful little shit. He is lucky to have a job thanks to me and he doesn’t even show recognition. I could get him to be fired just by snapping my fingers together. And that’s exactly what I will do once the show is over. In the mean time I glare at him as I climb the stairs that lead me to the stage where thousands of fans are waiting for me.

Another member of the staff is waiting for me. He hands me my silver microphone full of diamonds and I take it without sparing him a glance. I was the one to demand diamonds for my microphone obviously. It has to be as shiny and beautiful as me.

“Five seconds left!”

My eyes shut close for a few moments before opening again. I am calm and suddenly determined, as I always am during concerts. Although I despise everything that comes along celebrity, I love to be onstage so much that during these moments I forget about the bad sides. I love to have thousands of people screaming my name. It gives chills to my skin and the excitement I feel gets me pumped all night with adrenaline. These moments where my heart is running fast in my chest, where blood is pumping at my ears making me almost deaf are precious moments to me.

The lights suddenly go out to give me some time to join the centre of the stage without being seen. There is suddenly a beam of light shining on me only making the room deafeningly loud. Everyone is screaming like a crazed man and it makes me laugh. I have to say that this is how you finish a concert. I’ve got natural talent.

My body is swaying to the beat of the music as I’m singing the last song of my album. It’s always a pleasure to make girls scream that loud for me. I’m sure their boyfriends are unable to make them scream that loud when they fuck them and I like this. I like to feel important. The end of the melody rings for a few more seconds then everything goes quiet as the only thing left to hear in this crowded arena is my singing voice. Then everything goes pitch black and I am quick to leave the stage, saying ‘thanks for coming’ in the microphone before turning it off.

“Not too bad Louis, really but I’m certain you can do better than that and really thank the people who came to your show.”

Smirking, I turn toward Paul and lift an eyebrow.

“Paul,” I start slowly, “if I wanted to thank them the right way, I would do it. But since that’s not the case, it doesn’t matter.”

I wave a hand in the air to emphasise the fact that I couldn’t care less. I’ve always hated artists who always spend endless amount of time thanking their fans. It’s boring! And it’s so fake. Artists are fake people. That’s why I don’t bother with futilities.

Paul rolls his eyes and shakes his head. (He has started rolling his eyes because of me as I am frequently doing it to show my exasperation.)

“Very well, as you want. Come on, I have a little surprise for you. Do you remember our discussion from last month?”

“How could I forget?” I ask ironically.

“Your partner for the show is here. They attended your concert.”

“Let’s hope she’s not a crazy fan. It would be very unpleasant.

“Thankfully for you I am not.” Says a voice.

I stop walking suddenly and slowly turn around. Before I even fully turn around, I am shocked to hear such voice: deep and raucous. It almost sounds like a deep murmur as if the person talking had been smoking a pack of cigarettes per day for the past twelve years. Against all odds, it’s not a gruff, truck driver looking woman whom I am faced with when I have completely turned around but a young man who seems to be my age. He’s taller from a few inches; the top of my head would barely reach his jaw if we were to embrace each other. He has messy brown locks all tangled together that he keeps pushing back on his head, making it a bit greasy. His stance is rather impressive and it is not because compared to him I look small and tiny, definitely not. He simply has broad shoulders and wide chest and legs that seem to never end and his piercing green orbs are locked with mine and seem to make fun of me.

A bad looking sneer that must probably transform my beautiful face into foul features appears on my face. I already despise this man and I don’t even know his bloody name. He doesn’t seem trustworthy to me. His smile is way too kind and earnest to be entirely honest and his eyes are way too mocking.

“And who are you?” I ask with a raised eyebrow.

He steps toward me and extends a big strong and oddly soft hand. I contemplate it for a second before looking up at his face.

“Harry Styles. I will be your partner for the show Dancing with the Stars.”

An incredulous laugh bursts out of me as I turn toward Paul who is standing a few feet away from us, looking sheepish. Paul runs a hand on his scalp through his non existing hair and keeps his eyes glued to the floor. It seems like he doesn’t dare to confront me. Good. He should bow to me instead of acting like a sneaky little bastard.

“Um... well. How can I put that into words...” He mutters to himself but I can still hear him.

“Subject-verb-object structure; it’s rather easy. Now talk and explain this masquerade before I decide to fire you and find a more competent manager.”

“It turned out that the limited number of candidates for the show had already been entirely attained. No dancers were available for you. The prod agreed to my request but only if you’d dance with a man. You know for them it’d... um... it’d spice the show a little bit and this would be the first time something like that happens on national television. It’s quite a big deal and it’d be great for you.”

“To sum it all up,” I start slowly, words drawling out of my mouth. “If I’m doing this stupid show it’s so that it’d make these old-fashioned narrow-minded people appear conciliatory and open to gay people? And for people who watch the show to take the mickey out of me?”

“Oh well... I wouldn’t have put it this way. You won’t be mocked Louis, if that’s what you’re afraid.” I had to snort at that. Honestly, me, scared? “But it is true that there will be a big considerable change but think of it as a way for you to prove to your fans that you’re not just a cocky arsehole.”

A faint laugh vaguely disguised with a cough is being heard and my attention is immediately brought back to the man in front of me. He is hardly suppressing a laugh and it makes me cringe with uneasiness. I hate to be made fun of.

“No fucking way Paul. I already didn’t want to do this dumb show but if it’s to be the laughing stock of the whole world there is no fucking way I’ll be a part of it, you hear me? Especially not if my partner is a man. Who the hell do you think I am Paul? No, fucking no way.”

My outright refusal doesn’t faze him however; his face remains blank of any compassion for me. Perhaps my reaction was exactly what he was expecting from me and I just confirmed to be a childish cocky asshole. His words, not mine obviously. But can you really blame me? This is a normal reaction that any twenty-four year old would have if they were asked to be ridiculed in front of thousands, millions of people. Any sane person would have done the same. No one would agree to do that so why should I, Louis Tomlinson, have to do it? I’ll never ever do that. I just refuse to do it.

“If you allow me,” starts Mister-let-me-make-fun-of-you-even-if-I-don’t-know-you. “Considering your low negative reputation, I suggest you to make amends and accept the proposition. It’s a golden ticket toward redemption that you are being offered. You won’t be the laughing stock because the point isn’t to ridicule you but to try and get people to be more open-minded.”

“You’d better listen to him Louis. That guy is resourceful. You should take him as your model and cease to be an arrogant artist. Just accept to do the show. You will only benefit from it.”

“Nothing could make your reputation sink lower anyway.”

“Excellent point! You see Louis-“

I let my mind ramble off, far away from the two idiots next to me, discussing about me. Their voices drift away until I can’t hear them anymore. I imagine being at my house. My real home back in Cheshire. What would my parents think if they knew I’d be part of a famous show and would have to dance with a man? They’d be proud surely. They’ve always been so protective and open and so so supporting of my decisions.

Someone waves a hand in front of me and startles me. I glare at Paul.

“What?” I ask rather brusquely.

He sighs.

“Look Louis, what I’m about to say is for your own good: you don’t have a choice. You either do the show with Harry or you’re fired. I know I promised your dad I’d take good care of you but I can’t do it with all your repeated scandals. You have to stop before it’s too late. So I beg you, just accept this proposal.”

I stare at him in the eyes, unable to not see the sincerity that hangs in his brown orbs. But even then I can’t bring myself to nod. I don’t want to be the fall guy in this matter. Paul is begging me with his eyes to agree and he looks too much like a kicked puppy that it’d feel like another blow for him if I didn’t agree. Sighing loudly, I end up nodding.

“Very well. I’ll do it.”

A huge grin wide and earnest answers me as Paul takes me in his arm for a tight embrace.

“Don’t get too excited. Nothing is done with this guy. Can’t I get another partner?”

“Louis!”

“What?” I drawl out, rolling my eyes as with my hand I gesture toward the tall broad guy with the pigeon toes. “Have you taken a good look at him? He doesn’t have the stance of a good dancer and I don’t trust him.”

“You don’t trust anyone Louis.” Paul sighs, already looking tired.

“Okay fine. I’ll keep him.” I grumble, glaring at... “What’s your name again?”

“Harry Styles.” He says confidently and cockily, tilting his head to the side. “Is that too hard for you to remember?” He taunts me, smirking widely.

Asshole.

I roll my eyes at him and turn away from them and walk away to go back to my private dressing room. I feel like the hardest hardships of my life are about to happen. Bearing with Mister Cockiness will be extremely difficult.

 

***

 

**_First three weeks of rehearsal:_ **

 

“Very good. Now that you know the basics of waltz,” I groan at that, this is for chicks not me, “we are going to focus on the lift.”

I look up sharply at that. What the hell? A lift?

“I don’t know if that has escaped your notice but you’re way too heavy for me to lift.”

Styles sighs loudly as he pinches the bridge of his nose. How dare he pretend to be annoyed? I’m the one who has been ridiculed for three weeks in a row for the preparation of the first live show. I’m the one who has to learn stupid dances with stupid names and dance with a pigeon toed bulky guy. I’m the one who will soon look awkward and out of place and that doesn’t sit well with me.

“If you were not that stupid then you would know that I will be the one to carry you.”

“Excuse me?! You think that _I_ will play the role of a woman? Have you looked at me? I’m a man okay? Not a chick.”

He smothers a chuckle that gets stuck in his throat as soon as he sees the serious murderous look on my face. That bastard has been mocking me nonstop over the past three weeks. And every day --apart from Sunday thank God!- I had to suffer his mocking eyes and little annoying smirks and remarks. I’m not sure how long I can last before I lash out on him.

“Okay listen, I’ll be quick and efficient: I’m a professional dancer and I carry women during lifts. You’re the guest, you’re tiny and light so you’re going to let me carry you, got it?”

No, no and no there’s no way I’m going to do that. I’m not a woman for Goodness sake! Next thing he’ll tell me I have to wear a glittery pink dress. Hold on...

“Don’t tell me I have to wear a dress as well? And a wig?” I squint my eyes suspiciously at him.

This time, a laugh is burst out of him. His head is thrown backwards as he claps his hands together. Asshole. Out of breath and with rosy cheeks, Styles tries to let out some words, to no avail. He’s almost cute like this.

“Oh trust me; no one would want to see such horrifying thing.”

I take it back; he’s not almost cute. He’s an evil little cocky shit, that’s what he is. I’m very beautiful, everyone always says so.

“I’m gorgeous okay? Louis Tomlinson is always ravishing and more than one person would love to see me in a dress and see my beautiful legs!”

“And is Louis Tomlinson always speaking about himself like this?”

I hate when he is jesting about me the way he is doing now and I hate to see his roguish eyes when he is trying to be a smartass. I had to witness those nearly every day for the past two weeks and a half and I’m already so done. I wish to lose on the first live show, that way I won’t have to suffer more of Styles. Have I said he was insufferable already? Well he is insufferable. I dream of chocking him to death; that’s how bad it is.

“Louis Tomlinson tells you to fuck off Styles.” I retort back, grumbling.

Although I wished for my tone to be terse and threatening, I can’t help the small smile that reaches the corner of my lips. I fake a cough to get rid of it and groan at him, just because I can.

“Whatever let’s get back to it. We already lost some precious time.”

He nods and starts explaining how we are going to do the lift.

It’s been nearly three weeks since we started rehearsing, or more likely learn to dance as far as I’m concerned. We barely have time to breath. The unbridled pace at which we are rehearsing is making me dizzy. All my muscles are sore and every time I extend an arm above my head, my whole body shakes. Truth be told, I’m not used to doing a lot of sports. Apart from when I’m dancing on stage, I never do sports. Why would I? I have a metabolism that allows me to eat as much food as I want without gaining weight so sports are useless to me. However, I have to admit that I should have done a regular activity during all these years and perhaps right this moment I wouldn’t be out of breath and feel perspiration in places I didn’t even know could sweat. This is embarrassing and I hope no one but Styles will ever see me like this. I’m unattractive and that pains me to say it.

However the end of this week is synonym of the first live show and although I am relieved about it, I can’t pretend we are ready for it. We still need half of the choreography and I am unable to memorise the simple steps that Styles is teaching me. It will be a monstrous disaster.

“Fucking hell Louis!”

I start at this rather aggressive exclamation and straighten up in time to see Styles with a red face, fists tightened at his sides. There is also a vein pulsing at his temple and my eyes are glued to it. It’s fascinating.

“If you don’t listen to me, we’ll never make it. You know very well that we are late but instead of getting into it you like to daydream instead. This is not how you will be able to remember this fucking choreography that any eighty year old could do.”

“Shut your mouth Styles. I’m not one of your friends so don’t talk to me like that.”

“God stop being a diva! It’s not because you’re Louis Tomlinson that you can have anything you want just by snapping your fingers. It may have happened before but not this time. You’re part of a show that won’t be perverted by the tantrums of a spoiled kid. So stop with your puerile behaviour and just fucking focus.”

Miffed about his words, I prefer to stay silent and glare at him. Then I walk to the other side of the room and face him.

“You better catch me or I’ll rip your balls out and feed them to you.”

Despite the threat that I just worded, Styles does his little smirk that drives me crazy and that I start to find attractive. I glare at him harder for the thought that just crossed my mind before I start running.

The air is hitting my face as I run and I close my eyes at the last second, when I throw myself into Styles’ arms. I grip his neck and hair –his hair is incredibly soft and that’s a little unfair and distracting– as he lifts my legs with strong warm hands. He moves me behind his back before securing me in his arms in front of him.

As I open my eyes, I let out a sigh of relief when I realise that we haven’t crashed to the floor.

“You can let go of me now.”

Styles chuckles lowly then puts me back on my feet.

“See? When you’re focused we’re able to get things done fast.”

I roll my eyes at his comment then untangle my hands from his hair and take a few steps back.

“Whatever. Shall we keep going or spend our time chatting, Mr Styles? We won’t make any progress by talking.”

A faint smile blossoms on my face as Styles’ smile widens and allows me to notice two dimples in the creek of his cheeks. What the hell is happening to me?

 

***

 

“Please welcome our talented dancers and their famous partners who have been working hard over the last three weeks to make this first show happen.” The host says loudly in his microphone.

There is a roar of applause from the crowd in the room. It’s like they’ve never seen the show before and are overly excited.

The host calls out the name of every celebrity of the show and when he calls out mine, I have to force a smile on my face. Mentally, I am killing absolutely every single person in the room. Styles’ big hand in mine is bothering me but unfortunately I can’t just push him away from me. I know Paul is somewhere in the room, watching my every move.

“Just relax.” Styles murmurs in my ear once the host has moved on to the next person. “You won’t change people’s mind if you’re not putting on a true smile on that cute face of yours.”

I ignore the compliment though I am strangely content about it.

“I’m doing my best here, Styles.” I say through gritted teeth. “The sooner this night end, the better it is for me.”

“When will you stop to just think about yourself?”

I stay silent. I won’t give importance to what this stupid arrogant guy is saying to me. Instead, I focus on what the host says.

“We’re starting the night with the famous comedian Niall Horan and his partner Demi Lovato. Together they will dance a boisterous jive!”

The lights are dimmed suddenly and on the giant screen hung above the musicians on the small stage, their portrait is being shown to the public and tells the story of their weeks of rehearsal. A guy from the management ushers us off the stage and leads us to the backroom which is reserved specially for celebrities and their dance partners. As I hurry to get there, I let go of Styles’ hand as I don’t need to keep up the pretences. Wiping my palm on my dress pants, I send an irritated look at Styles but he doesn’t seem particularly fazed by it.

As the night goes on –thankfully quite rapidly– and it is shocking to say that I don’t spend just bad moments. Soon it will be my turn to dance and no matter what I do (like breathe in deeply and pace the floor of the backroom while everyone is occupied) I’m starting to stress out a lot. Despite knowing that getting on stage is something familiar for me I can’t stop my palms from getting hot and sweaty and my heart from speeding up. I fear to fail in front of so many people and to get ridiculed because I am dancing with a man and for people to think of me as nothing but a failed pop star. That’s not who I want to be.

“How come you’re so stressed out about tonight? It’s not the first time you go on stage though.”

“It happens to the best of us to be stressed out, Styles.” I roll my eyes at him.

“I see your modesty is still with you even in this situation.”

“I’m not going change my good old habits.” I say, starting to smile a little in spite of myself.

“Stop wiggling around you’re gonna drive me crazy.”

“Fuck you Styles. It’s already hard to focus so if I have to bear with you as well it won’t be good.”

We are in a small room just behind the stage, waiting to be called on stage. It’s been ten minutes already and I feel like my bladder is about to explode with nerves even though I went to the toilets just before. Suddenly there are two big hands on my shoulders that stop me from pacing up and down the small narrow room. Styles’ fingers dig in my skin and massage my neck in order to relax me. I have to give it to him. Styles is able to give good massages and I am forced to admit that I enjoy it quite a lot. For someone like him, he is good with his hands.

“Uh... It feels good, thanks.”

“Am I dreaming or did I just hear Louis Tomlinson thanking me?”

I’m about to object and say something mean but stop at the last second when I realise that I can almost feel him smiling as he is speaking. It really is too relaxing to have your neck massaged to break it with nasty comments. My head is getting heavier and my eyes droop a little bit as Styles keeps on massaging me.

“Don’t fall asleep, sleeping beauty, it’s our moment.

Confused, I open my eyes I didn’t know I had closed and turn my head a bit to question him with my eyes.

“In ten seconds we’ll go on stage.”

Just as he finishes talking, a guy from the prod opens the door in front of us and leads us out of the small room and in the centre of the stage. I can hear the last bit of the introduction portrait about me and Harry and I know that the moment has come. It’s a hit-or-miss situation.

The music slowly starts and our bodies follow the rhythm. Despite the few comments that I overheard at the beginning about the fact that I’m dancing with a man, I am slowly starting to ignore everyone in the room and let my body free of the heavy tension that held my body back. Now it’s only me and my partner in the room. Only Styles matters, only our dance matters right now. Staring at each other and not breaking the eye contact, he makes me twirl around the stage.

The lift is about to come and despite of myself, I am starting to doubt a little bit; what if I fall? What if I screw up the lift and because of me we fail the dance and are the worst dancers of tonight? Glancing at Styles helps me a little. All I can see in his eyes is the trust he seems to have in me and for a second, it unsettles me.

The peak of the song is heard and that’s when I surge forward on the stage and jump in Styles’ arms as we have rehearsed many times. He catches me and lets me hang above the ground as he makes me spin faster and faster. I can barely hear the public clap their hands together as I am too focused on not letting go.

When finally he puts me back down on the ground, I know that this marks the end of our dance. It’s odd to admit but an uneasy feeling reaches me as I have to let go of Styles. My forehead is resting on his left shoulder and his hands tightly grip my hips. The sudden lights of the room blind me and make me realise that we are hugging on stage. I quickly step back and untangle myself from him, chastising myself for blushing a little bit. Faking a smile, I step forward toward the judges table, pulling Styles along behind me.

“What a beautiful performance there Louis.” The host, Simon, says. “I don’t know what the judges have thought about it but if it was up to me I’d grade you a ten in both the technical and artistic performance.”

His hand warmly settles on my forearm and squeezes it, as if to make me believe that his words are honest and sincere. He should keep his hands to himself instead of touching without asking permission.

“Well,” he adds. “Let’s start with you, Liam.”

“First of all I’d like to say congratulations to you both. I was rather sceptical at first about seeing you dancing, Louis, but after what you just did out there we can all agree on one point: you were truly stunning. The right stance was there although there are a few technical mistakes but for a first performance, it was good and encouraging.

I smile as I nod at his words. It makes me happy what Liam is saying about me but not because it boosts my ego. No it’s for Styles that I’m happy. I want to make him proud of me though I don’t know why. It has never happened before, I usually only care about myself.

“What about you Caroline? What are your thoughts?”

“For me, what I liked about your performance, Louis, is the fact that you are not a professional dancer yet you made us believe that you were. That’s why I want to congratulate you on that. However there were too many technical mistakes but your partner is an incredibly talented dancer who will teach you everything you need to know to do a flawless performance.”

She winks at Styles when she finishes talking. Frowning, I turn toward him and see him smiling at her as if her words were normal, especially for a judge. I’m suddenly very angry as I imagine them to be more than just acquaintances. Discreetly, I step a little away from him, making sure that no one notices what I am doing. Thinking about them together doesn’t sit well with me at all.

“No, no, no I disagree with you Caroline. Louis, what you did was beautiful. There is an obvious osmosis between you guys and you need to know that the link between you and your partner is very important in order to make good lifts and dances. I like what you did tonight. Yes there were mistakes and yes not everything was perfect but so what? You’re not a professional dancer and you have never danced in your life before yet tonight it’s like you’ve been dancing all your life.”

A sincere smile blossoms on my face as I look at Ed. He seems to be the only one to like me for who I am and isn’t trying to change me and I really appreciate that.

“Thank you judges for your opinions.” Simon says. “Louis you can go to the backroom and find out your grades.”

I absently nod and start walking rather quickly toward the backroom, not bothering to wait for Styles. When I get there the other candidates and their partners all clap in their hands and congratulate me for the performance. I pretend to be moved by them and thankful for their kind words though I know that every person in this room despises me.

“Good evening Louis. How do you feel after that first performance?”

“Relieved?” I ask, letting a smirk grow on my face as I raise my eyebrows.

Zayn Malik, the second host of the show, lets out a cute chuckle and pats my shoulder softly. I feel like he might appreciate me for who I am as well, without any pretence and I like that.

“Aren’t you excited about finding out your grades?”

“Not really no. Can’t I just run away?”

He makes such a cute pout with his lips standing out from his face that it makes me want to eat him. I clear my throat and when he looks back at the screen in front of us where we are able to see the judges’ table, I do the same and focus on the screen. That’s when I feel Styles pressing his chest against my back. He must be leaning over me because his curls tickle the tip of my ears. I have to physically restrain myself from stepping away from him. There are two cameras in the room and they’re nearly right in our faces.

“Look, that’s not what you think with Caroline.” He whispers in my ear. His hot breath makes me shudder but I ignore it.

“I couldn’t care less about your relationship with her.” I retort, eyes glued to the screen.

“You’re definitely a bad liar, Louis Tomlinson. That’s why you keep avoiding me and putting distance between us, isn’t it? Because you hate to think that something might have happened between her and me, it upsets you.”

I groan but don’t answer anything. Because I know that it is pointless, because I know that he is saying the truth and that deep down I was dying of jealousy to think that he has had an affair with an old woman like her.

“But don’t you worry,” he adds as I feel his fingers caressing my arm all feather-like. “I’ve always resisted her sexual advances and now that you are here... why would I even think of sleeping with her?”

My heart misses a beat, or a couple beats or even a few beats. No actually it misses so many beats and makes me nearly have a heart attack. His words have touched me right in the heart and joy slowly penetrates my body. I don’t want to know what it means and I don’t want to know why I felt something and certainly not why I feel so different ever since I’ve met him.

I endeavour to pretend like I am feeling completely fine outside. But inside, it’s a big flurry mess. There are thousands of thoughts in my mind at this moment and they make me crazy. I can barely hear the judges’ comments as they hand out the grades. The only thing I can focus on is the warmth radiating off of Styles’ body and that reaches mine to give me rosy cheeks. I can see the other candidates clap and Zayn Malik, the host, says something to me but it’s as if I am in a film. Everything happens in a blur and soundlessly.

I can’t even recall how I found myself on stage, pressing myself against Styles as we are waiting to know who is leaving the competition tonight. I feel cosy up against him, with his arm around my waist so he can bring me closer to him.

Simon keeps calling out the celebrities who were saved tonight and will be here next week but my name still isn’t called out. This adds up to the sudden anguish feeling that was nagging at the back of my head for some time. Then suddenly it’s like I can breathe again, like the world isn’t spinning anymore and the noises of the room hit me in full force. The bubble I was in is broken.

“The last person to be saved tonight is...”

The wait is endless. Why do they have to take so long to say a name? It’s frustrating.

“... Louis Tomlinson and his partner Harry Styles!”

I don’t understand straight away what Simon just said but when it finally reaches my mind, I can’t stop myself from jumping in Styles’ arms and wrapping my legs around his waist. The grin that I wear has never been this bright and I can’t have anyone know so I hide my face in his neck and close my eyes. He smells heavenly good. I can’t get rid of my smile and in this moment I realise I don’t even want to. I am happy.

Although I didn’t want to be a part of this show in the first place, even if I hated Styles with all my heart and hated to be dancing with a man, I am happy. Because this night was amazing despite anything that I could say out of bad faith. I could try to pretend otherwise again and again but that wouldn’t bring me anywhere nor would it be worth it. I really enjoyed dancing with Styles and liked the adrenaline coursing through my body along with the nervousness of the dance. I felt alive tonight.

 

***

 

**_Seventh week – To dance on a tough personal matter that happened to the celebrities_ **

 

Weeks have passed rather fast since the first night. It still amazes me to notice that I am still in the competition, still part of the show. I thought I’d only stay a week or two at most so this is surprising but not too bad. Day after day grows my love for this beautiful art. Dancing with Styles makes me so over the moon and I still don’t have a fucking clue what the hell I am feeling. It’s odd and I’m not sure I like it.

Styles... Everything is so strange between us and that makes me wonder whether I am awake or having a nice little dream in my big soft comfortable bed. Our relationship has strengthened since the first night. We are close to each other in a way words are lacking to express the feeling. My mind is confused every time I think about him. The only thing I am sure of about the two of us is that I have never felt this way before. Whenever I’m with Styles... every time we’re breathing the same air as we are dancing so close to each other, eyes in eyes, hearts pressed together, I keep on wanting the moment to never end.

But... like I said, it’s odd.

Checking the time, I hurry to get up and dressed before rushing to the dance studio for today’s rehearsal. Harry is already there, stretching in the middle of the room when I step in and welcomes me with a shiny beam. I put my stuff at the foot of the couch then let Harry gently take me in his arms. Despite what I tell myself, my eyes close on their own accords as I breathe in his smell. It’s sort of fruity and manly at the same time, surely a mix between his soap and his natural odour and fuck. He smells amazingly. It’s perfect because it’s his own specific smell and I love it and no one could ever smell this good in my opinion. People could try so hard yet I just know they would never be able to replicate his odour. It’s unique.

“Why such a warm welcome?” I gently tease him.

He slowly releases me, letting his fingers trail down my arm as he always does then leads me toward the couch at the end of the room, in a corner where the furniture won’t bother us when we dance.

“This week you’re the one to choose the song. A song that was there during a special event which took place in your life and that is important to you; something that you want to share.” He explains once we sat down.

Biting my lower lip, I start to think about what he just told me.

“Let’s start by the song, shall we? Do you have an idea?”

I merely nod then take out my phone from my pocket and choose the song. The music echoes loudly in the room and suddenly there is a crease between my eyebrows.

“Why that song?”

I close my eyes for a few seconds. When I open them again, I stare at Styles’ face and start talking.

“When I was fifteen I found out that I was attracted by men and just by men. I never had any struggle with my sexuality after that, I always accepted myself and still do now, that’s not a problem.” I wave a hand in the hair to signify that it doesn’t matter.

“Anyway, there was this guy. His name was Rick. You need to know that at fifteen I was quite naive and stupid and really idealistic and a hopeless romantic fool. I believed in love and in they lived happily ever after and all that kind of bullshit you see? And I thought that this guy was the one for me.” A bitter laugh escapes me before I can hold it back in.

I shake my head. God I was so stupid back then.

“He was the perfect boyfriend. As perfect as you can be at such a young age, mind you. But I didn’t mind the fact that he didn’t have money to take me out. We’d just hang out at his place or mine and watch films together or play cards. It was perfect between ‘til the day his so-called friends told me that if Rick dated me in the first place was only because they wanted a bit of fun and I seemed like an easy guy. Apparently Rick was neither a fag nor in love with me as I thought he was. I had the stupid idea to have my first time with him and he decided it would be ‘funny’ to record it without my consent and post it on the web. That’s when I realised that crying for a man wasn’t worth it and letting people in made me weak. I found comfort in drugs and for months and months that’s the only thing that kept me going. My family didn’t notice anything. My parents didn’t know that I spent my nights in nightclubs and shitty pubs, getting high and drunk as I tried to find new sensations. I was so empty inside that it didn’t matter who I ended up with in bed. I just wanted to feel something and make that hollow dead part of me disappear once and for all. Then I overdosed. I had taken way too much heroin as the symptoms were starting to wear off. When I woke up I was in the hospital. My dad placed me in a detox centre and soon after that my career started. Everything was deleted from the web and the media could never get their hands on it. No one knows about that but I guess soon they will be.”

I gesture toward the cameraman who has filmed everything. The guy looks sheepish and suddenly stands up and leaves the room, surely to leave us some space and time to be together and talk freely.

“Anyway. I never let any other being affect me after that and I detached myself from everything. I guess that’s why people call me a ‘diva’ and I earned that name, I know it but it’s whatever really. I try to stay detached as much as I can so that I won’t fall into the drug trap again and-“

I don’t have the time to finish my sentence that I am pressed into a hard chest and warm arms circle my shoulders. I feel something wet fall on my neck and I frown as I lift Harry’s head to be able to get a look at his face.

“Why are you crying?” I ask, a little disoriented.

He has a wry chuckle then he takes my face in both his hands.

“Why am I crying? Are you serious, Louis Tomlinson?”

Eyebrows still furrowed, I carefully nod.

“You are a remarkable human being, did you know that? I don’t know how I would have handled all that pain if I were you. The way you got out of it is admirable.”

Pushing his hands away from my face, I quickly get up from the couch and put some distance between us.

“It’s not admirable Harry!” I say, slowly losing my temper. “I was addicted to drugs and overdosed. That’s what made me stop all this shit and nothing else. Not because I realised that doing drugs would only destroy my life even more. It’s because I nearly died. There is nothing good about this story or about me okay?”

“I think you are a very strong person who had the will and courage to get up and get your head out of the water when it was time you did that.”

“Weren’t you one of those who thought I was a diva not eight weeks from now?”

“Well I was wrong! Happens to everyone. And besides, I know the real you better than you.”

“Oh God that’s best thing someone ever told me.” I say ironically as I roll my eyes. “You can’t know that Harry. Stop thinking that I am someone that I’m not. I’m not some sort of hero or whatever you seem to believe.”

“You are for me.”

“You’re wrong. You don’t really know me.”

“I know you better than what you think.” He claims, rather determined.

The door of the studio suddenly opens and every celebrity that is still a part of the show and their partners enter the room without asking first. I groan and cross my arms on my chest, getting defensive just by spotting them. I’ve never been accepted by any of them and even if I don’t give a shit about that, it pisses me off that they’re interrupting my alone time with Harry. Harry is always spending time with them, laughing and making pranks to other dancers or candidate, always leaving me behind and I don’t care. I don’t care. But deep down, I know that I’m trying to convince myself of something that isn’t true.

“Why are you guys shouting like that? Has Louis done something to you, Harry?” One of them, a guy, asks and I don’t even try to know who it is.

I roll my eyes again however, silently willing them to just get the fuck out of our studio.

“Don’t kill him Harry. Even if I’d gladly help you with the task and to hide the body, I wouldn’t want you to go to prison for... this.” A girl says disdainfully, sending me a disgusted glance over.

Rage is boiling inside of me but I have to internally pat my back for remaining blank and keeping my steel mask. If I show them my weakness, if I let on that their words hurt me then they would win and I refuse to let a bunch of childish stupid pricks win over me.

“I know that he’s an ass and an arrogant fool you unfortunately can’t just damage him. You know as well as I do that he is Simon’s and Zayn’s favourite.” Says another person.

“I know. Could you guys leave us now? I appreciate your concern for me but we really have to rehearse if we want to be ready for Saturday night.”

“Even if you rehearse day and night, you know perfectly well that he’ll never be flawless.”

Harry ushers them out of the room then turns toward me with a forced smile on his face.

“Sorry about them. They’re quite rude but I promise they’re nice when you get to know them.”

“Are you kidding me?”

He stops walking, surprised by the tone of voice I just used. His brows slowly furrow and his bottom lip disappears behind his teeth as he tries to understand why I’m so angry.

“What’s wrong?” He asks, literally clueless.

“You really are kidding me, I can’t believe it.”

“Of course I’m not. Why are you getting angry like this?”

“Why am I angry? Do you really want to know why? You are a real bastard, Styles. One second you tell me that I am admirable and the next you’re agreeing to everything these assholes are saying about me. See, I was starting to change my mind about you but I was clearly wrong. Once again I let a guy mess with my head and feelings. Should be used to it by now.”

I angrily storm out of the room after taking my stuff. Or at least I try to run away and get out of this suffocating room. I can’t believe I ever trusted him. How could I trust someone like him? Someone who clearly doesn’t want to defend me against his friends. I really thought that Harry was different but I was wrong. He’s an asshole and so are his friends.

As I reach the door and open it, intending to get the hell out of here, an arm is suddenly around me while a hand slams the door shut and traps me against it.

“That’s not what you think. I’d never consciously say something bad about you Louis.”

“You did exactly that two minutes ago Styles.”

“Look that’s how they are okay? I’ve tried to make them change their mind about you but they’re too pigheaded for that. But I really did try, I told them that you are a good person and that the real you is an amazing breathtaking person. If I hadn’t stepped in and said what I said we’d still be with them and they’d keep on throwing nasty words at your face, words that you don’t deserve. Can’t you see that I was trying to protect you?”

His voice sounds pleading as he speaks but I am too angry at him to be rational.

“I don’t you to protect me and I don’t need your pity. Keep it for someone who cares. Now let go of me, I have to get out of here and breathe some fresh air. It reeks of cowardice in here.”

I push him away then briskly open the door. Once out of the room, I break into a run. It doesn’t matter where I go, I just need to escape this place as fast as my legs can carry me. My lungs are burning but strangely it is a comforting sensation. With the alacrity I use to run, I don’t notice someone in the hallway and ram into a hard body. It makes me stumble backwards and fall to the floor.

“My apologies, Louis. Are you alright?”

I look up and see Zayn smiling down at me. I smile back at him though it must surely look like a grimace. Thankfully, he doesn’t comment on it.

“Yeah I’m fine how about you?”

He nods then extend a hand to help me get back on my feet. I take a hold of it. When I’m standing I make sure to wipe my clothes even though the floor is so clean that I can see my reflection on the white tiles.

“Are you sure you’re alright? You don’t look so good.”

“I’m fine, don’t worry.”

I look away from him then start walking away from him, searching for a place to be left alone.

“Wait up! I think I can help you. Follow me.”

Intrigued, I decide to follow him and jog a bit to catch up with him. He leads us to a door where a small sign says ‘personal only’. Inside, he turns on the lights then beckons me inside before closing the door behind us. The room is really small and there are a couple shelves on the side and a desk at the end of the room. The walls are bare and it looks grim and rather morn. Zayn walks toward the desk and opens one of the drawers then starts rummaging through it. Then he takes out a small sachet and walks back toward me.

“You should take this. You look like you need it.”

I look at the sachet with much scrutiny. My eyes are glued to the white powder inside; I know exactly what it is and I can’t look away. I’m like hypnotised by it. It’s tantalising and really, really tempting right now.

“Go on,” Zayn’s voice is heard again, low and mesmerising. “You’re dying to. It’ll only make you feel better.” He whispers in my ear. I didn’t even hear him sneak up behind me and push the sachet on the desk toward me.

When I look up at him I can see that he is way too close to me and is invading my personal space. I look back down at the sachet and my hand slowly goes over to it. I know I am in a trance like now; that’s how I was before, every time I was in need of some drugs.

“There you go. Come on, open it.”

_You are a remarkable human being. I think you are a very strong person who had the will and courage to get up and get your head out of the water when it was time you did that. I know you better than what you think._

The little voice in my head that oddly sounds like Harry stops me from taking the damn sachet and sniffing the only substance that could make me feel better. Fuck Harry Styles and his kind words. Fuck him for letting me hope for a second that what he said was real, that I was a good person.

“What are you waiting for?”

I push the sachet away from me and turn to face Zayn who is looking back at me, clearly surprised.

“I can’t. It was a bad idea, I’m sorry.”

I step past him and walk out of the room under Zayn’s flabbergasted eyes. I resisted the temptation. Fuck you Oscar Wilde; you don’t need to yield to it to resist a temptation. I know very well why I haven’t fallen back into my old habits although I’ll never admit it aloud.

 

***

 

For the next few weeks, the atmosphere is more than heavy in the dance studio. I can’t even pretend that everything is fine in front of the cameras because everything is not fine and it is stupid of me to be feeling this way because of someone I wasn’t even that close to in the first place but fuck. It’s too late. Somehow I let him take so much space in my life.

The show is nearly over now and I’m relieved about it. I can’t stand it anymore, can’t stand the hypocrisy of the other celebs. They talk sweetly in front of me and the cameras only to talk shit behind my back. I’ve stopped to pay attention to them however. They’re not worth it and only make me lose my temper for nothing. Harry isn’t even trying to defend me and that only emphasises my opinion of him. He’s ashamed to let people know that he likes me as a person. And that’s fine. Honestly it is fine. I don’t care. Though I know I am lying to myself.

Anyway as I was saying the show is nearly over and I’m still in the race. How crazy is that? It’s not like I still have millions of fans after all the shit that I’ve done in the past. Yet here I am, about to do the final dance tonight for the last live night in front of thousands of viewers.

However I don’t feel happy about dancing though I really like to dance, that I can easily admit. It’s just... I miss Harry. I fucking miss him a lot and nothing is the same since we have had that fight the other day. Nothing is the same when we dance together. It’s like we became strangers to each other and I hate the feeling. I hate it with all my heart but I know it’s mostly my fault if we are in this situation today.

I’m still mad at him yet I know that I need him in this show but not even just for that and that really scares me shitless. His presence around me is comforting and relaxing and I like to think that he may feel the same about me though I know it’s not true. Even when he’s in the same room as me, it’s like he isn’t truly here with me. I wonder if he regrets what happened between us because I surely do. I’m angry at him yet I know that if I had just told them to fuck off then perhaps none of this would have happened.

I feel like I haven’t lived at all these last few weeks. It felt like someone else possessed my body and I was just on the sidelines, watching things happening while I couldn’t do a thing about them.

The first dance of this last night is about to start and I slowly come to the realisation that I don’t want it to be over. The heavy weight which has been sitting in my stomach for weeks is the result of my fear to never see Harry again and just go back to my old life. I don’t want to play this diva role that isn’t me at all. I have changed. Harry opened my eyes.

“Louis you have to go on stage. You do the first dance of the night.”

I turn toward the technician and follow him toward the centre of the dance stage. This moment reminds me of the first time I stood there with Harry, completely nervous about dancing with a man and scared to ridicule myself. Harry is already there when I arrive, his back facing me. When my eyes set on him, I curse my stupid heart for beating louder and faster. I silently slip in front of him, eyes cast down to the ground as I dare not to look up at him. I can feel his eyes burning my skin but I still don’t lift my head.

“I’m sorry.” I say, finding it easier to be talking to my feet rather than Harry’s face. “I-“

I don’t have the time to finish what I wanted to say that the lights are dimmed and shining on us. The music starts and takes us away with it.

Our rumba, supposedly the dance of love, is sad. In this special circumstance, it hurts to be dancing a rumba with Harry, especially considering the song that he picked. I want to stop our movements and throw myself at him and hold on tight. Our gazes find each other, exactly like the first time and everything around me fades away. I’m physically unable to look away from him. There is a thick tension between us and although I don’t like it, I don’t want this moment to end. I’d like to keep on dancing with him.

Only, the song comes to an end. There are tears in my eyes and I try my best to hold them in but I can’t. They spill suddenly and run down my cheeks just as two strong arms circle my body and press me against a warm firm body.

“Tonight is full of emotion and seems to be really promising! With this dance, Louis Tomlinson puts a high level for this finale.”

I gently untangle myself from Harry and smile ruefully at him before intertwining our fingers together and leading him toward the judges’ table on shaky legs.

 

***

 

“The winner of Dancing with the Stars is... Louis Tomlinson!”

The applause from the public doesn’t reach out to me. I smile to please people but I am bleeding from the inside and my heart cries out for help.

“I would like to say something.”

Simon seems surprise by my request but hands me the microphone nonetheless. I grab it, ignoring my trembling hand, and face the public and the cameras.

“First of all I would like to say a massive thank you to everyone who has voted for me and helped me win this competition.”

The public starts applauding at that and I let them for a few seconds.

“However,” I say rather loudly, to calm them down. “There is something important that I had to say to a certain someone but was unable to, and for that I apologise. A few weeks ago, we had to dance on a song that each candidate chose and that was related to a personal subject that happened to us. As you are all aware, I asked the prod to have my own bit deleted. Yet I think it’s time for you guys to know who I really am.”

In case I won, I had asked one of the tech guys to play the video of me that was taken while I told Harry my near death experience when I was fifteen. So I only have to look backstage and nod and soon the video is playing on the giant screen above our heads while silence falls in the room. Everyone is watching the video but one person. The only person to who my apologies were directed to. I try to ignore the burn his eyes create. I don’t want to realise that he is looking at me with disgust, I won’t be able to handle it.

When the video comes to an end, I speak again, trying to be fast and efficient so I can get the hell out of here and never return.

“I know that whatever happened in the past is no excuse for my recent behaviour. I’m not trying to find excuses but I just wanted this to be out in the open once and for all. I want to apologise to my fans or former fans for the way I have acted during concerts or interviews. I want to apologise to everyone that I have hurt on purpose and didn’t show any regret. I want to apologise for who I was back then, an arrogant selfish diva. Most importantly, to someone in particular who has never believed I was what I showed.”

I turn toward Harry, unable to ignore him any longer.

“I’m sorry. I was wrong about everything. I know I am selfish and want you all for myself but I know I can’t turn back time and erase everything that I’ve done. So tonight, without any mask or pretence, I apologise for being such a cunt.”

There is only silence once I have finished speaking, no one reacted to the swearing I just did on national TV. I hand back the microphone to Simon then walk out of the stage and then run away from here. I don’t have anything more to do here.

 

***

 

“There is just one thing that I can tell you Louis: congratulations. Your speech has been the most downloaded and seen in only a few hours. Your father would be proud of you.”

“Listen Paul, I want to do a break, want to take a few years to myself. I have to find myself and become a better person. I need to get away from here and recharge my batteries for some time.”

“You can’t leave just now! Not when your career is at its peak.” Paul exclaims rather loudly.

I sigh before getting up, off the armchair in Paul’s office.

“I’ve already booked a plane ticket Paul. A one way ticket. I have no idea when I will come back. Gotta leave some time for everyone to forget about me for a while.”

Paul rubs his chin thoughtfully, looking concerned.

“Trust me Paul. I’ll come back and that’s a promise. For now I just... need to go away. Staying here is sort of nefarious for me. I can’t go on anymore.”

“What happened during the show Louis?”

I walk backwards toward the door without answering. I only smile ruefully at him.

“Goodbye Paul. You’re like a father to me. I’ll let you know about my plans once I have figured it all out.”

I don’t let him time to say something else. I close the door and walk down the hallways of the company’s building. Once outside, I look back up at this huge building, knowing that I am leaving a part of me behind. However I’m not scared, not even a little bit.

Then I step inside the cab that is waiting for me and gives the driver the address of the airport. I’m quite nostalgic at the idea of leaving this place behind, this town that I love above anything else but I know that this is the right thing to do.

Soon enough, I can make out the airport in the horizon and the planes that take off from the ground. The car stops in front of the entrance of the airport.

“Thanks.”

I hand out a few notes to pay for the drive then get out of the car and open the trunk to take my luggage with me. I watch the taxi drive away before entering the crowded airport.

Part of me wants to stay here because I know that I need a certain someone. However I just can’t listen to my heart this time. My reason tells me to run away, as far away as I can and never return. If I did that, I wouldn’t be a celebrity anymore, I could live in peace for the rest of my life. I’d be back to be a normal common person and that’s what I am looking for by going away.

An hour later, the voice over finally announces the boarding of my plane. I sigh then take my satchel from the ground before getting up.

“You were going to leave without saying goodbye?”

I start at the sound of a voice I recognise only too well and slowly turn around, a hand over my heart. Fuck that’s him.

“Harry?”

He’s in front of me, smiling shyly at me. I’m about to puke my heart. I never thought I’d see him again.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, voice hoarse.

He shrugs and steps toward me.

“An idiot forgot something two weeks ago.”

A knot appears in my stomach when he mentions the last time we saw each other for the finale of the show.

“Really? What can it be?”

The lump in my throat is so big and heavy and it’s a miracle that I’m able to form words.

“He didn’t wait for an answer to his touching speech.”

“Maybe he wasn’t expecting one. Not after everything he had done.”

“What if I told you that it wasn’t his place to apologise that night?”

“I wouldn’t believe you if you did.”

“Well you should Louis. I should be the one to apologise.

I shake my head and look away from him. I can’t face him, it hurts too much. The boarding for my plane is heard again and I sigh.

“I have to go I’m sorry.”

I step past him and start walk away from him when his voice stops me.

“So that’s it? You’re just leaving?”

“There’s nothing holding me back here anymore.”

“You’ve got me, Louis.”

Once again I shake my head, trying to get him to shut up.

“It was my fault Louis. Mine, not yours. I should have defended you that day and I should have done it afterwards. All I did was watching you get away from me and slipping through my fingers. I’m sorry for being such a cunt. You’re everything that I want. Fuck Louis, I love you!”

He nearly shouts when I make another step. My heart beats loudly in my chest and it hurts yet there is a warmness that spreads inside of me at his words. I fight the tears that are gathered in my eyes and stay still. I can feel him moving behind me and the next second he is in front of me. His big hands cover my cheeks and tilt my head so I can’t look up at him.

“Don’t go Louis. Don’t go without me.”

“You can’t seriously mean what you said. I’m not a good person and I’m definitely not good for you. You can’t love me.”

“Well I do, Louis. Please stop fighting me.”

He rests his forehead against mine and I have to close my eyes at the intensity reflecting from his green eyes.

“You love me too, don’t you?”

I could tell him that I don’t and ruin his hopes. I could tell him that instead of loving him, I loathe him. I could tell him that I simply used him all this time. I could. But that’s not what I say next.

“Of course I love you, you idiot.”

The bright smile that follows my words tells me that I have done the right thing for once. His head leans in close to mine, I can feel his warm breath fanning over my mouth. Before his lips meet mine, I can tell that I’m already addicted to him, all of him. I have found my new drug and that’s the precise moment where I realise that I have fallen madly deeply entirely in love with Harry Styles.

**Author's Note:**

> You can listen to this song: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LY1G03vjesw&=&spfreload=10 while Louis is speaking of his past


End file.
